In This Issue:
- Santa's Call Center
Santa's Call Center
By Rick Rappe
Hello. Welcome to Santa's Workshop Customer Service and Christmas list hot line. To better serve you, please listen to the following options and make your selection. For English, press or say 'One'. For all other Languages, press or say 'Two'. At any time during this call, if you would like to exit and return to the main menu, say or press 'Three'.
Thank You. To better serve you, Santa's Workshop can now be accessed on line at www.northpole.com where you can enter your Christmas wish list, report violations to the Naughty or Nice police, or enter into a live chat with one of our virtual elves. If you would like to exit now, press or say "One." If you would like to continue, press or say "Two."
Thank You. If you are calling to enter your Christmas wish list, press or say "One." For all other options, press or say "Two."
Thank You. To improve service, this call may be monitored. To better serve you and insure your order is properly routed, please enter your five digit zip code followed by the pound sign.
Thank You. Please enter your 10 digit telephone number followed by the pound sign.
Thank You. Please enter the last four digits of your Social Security number. If you do not know the last four digits of your Social Security number, press or say "One" to enter the code of your favorite parent or other primary care giver.
Thank You. Please speak or press the four digit code now.
Thank You. For security purposes, please enter your mother's maiden name by touching the appropriate keypad digits followed by the pound sign, or speak the name at the sound of the sleigh bells.
Thank You. Did you say "Jones?"
Sorry, please try again at the sound of the sleigh bells.
Thank You. I heard "Smith," is that correct?
Sorry, please spell the name.
Thank You. If you are Billy Wilson at 123 Elm St. Hillsboro Illinois, please press or say "One." Otherwise press or say "Two."
"Yes, I'm Billy"
Sorry, I didn't get that. If you are Billy Wilson at 123 Elm St. Hillsboro Illinois, please press or say "One."
Thank you Billy. Please choose from one of the following options: Press or say "One" if you have been really really nice this last year, "Two" if you were sort of nice, "Three" if you had an off day or two, "Four" if you had some issues, but it wasn't your fault, or "Five" if it was you that set fire to the Wilson's garage.
Tell the truth, Billy.
Thank You. Please hold while we transfer you to one of our elf representatives to assist you with your wish list.
Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jing..We're sorry but all our elves are currently working with others. Please hold while we continue to play generic and politically correct Christmas music...Oh what fun it is to ride in a We're sorry, but all our elves are currently working with others, please continue to hold, your call is important to us. The snow in a one horse open slei..
Hello, this is elf Danny, how can I help ya?
"Hi, I'd like to give you my Santa wish list."
Sure kid, who are ya?
"I'm Billy, don't you already know that?"
Hey, this is the busy season, the computers are a little slow...here it comes now...hmmm.
Well, Billy, we gotta problem. You entered "two" for how naughty you were, and that's not what the computer thinks. If I take your list, the system will just kick it out, and if that happens, you get the ol' coal-in the-stocking, if you catch my drift.
"Oh No! What can I do?"
Whoa kid, anything can be fixed. Let me pull up the profile and see what we've got here. Aha! Do you know Suzie Wilson?
"Yes, that's my sister. Why?"
Well, it looks like she's been squealing. Did you really leave her at the mall and report to the police that she ran away?
"There's no proof!"
Yeah, that's what my cousin Vinny said, too. He still got twenty years. But just between you and me, I'll delete the entry. But what about this record that says you're 26 years old and are still living at home?
"So? Times are tough. Like Danny is really an elf name. You probably aren't even at the North Pole right?"
"Like how close?"
Hey, kid, it gets cold here, too. Anyway, Santa decided to outsource this year. You gotta problem with that?
"I suppose not."
So, Billy, whaddaya want for Christmas?
"I can't remember anymore."
I see. Tell you what, you think it over and call us back ok? And in the meanwhile, you keep your nose clean. You don't want to be owing me too many favors, understand?
"I, uh, understand."
Good kid. Merry Christmas Billy.
"Thanks Danny, same to you."