The Customer Service Survey
My Brilliant Money-Making Machine
I have an idea for a gizmo which will make me millions. It's a variation of those toy voice distorters which can make you sound like Darth Vader, a woman (if a man), or a man (if a woman). My voice distorter will take any voice, no matter how bored-sounding, and make it sound like the speaker is Excited! and Enthused!
The market is call centers and telemarketers, which seem to have a terrible time training their agents to not sound like they're reading a script while they're reading a script.
It's the worst with telemarketers: I can usually tell within the first two words if a caller is trying to sell me something, just from the tone of voice. From that instant, I'm not hearing anything the telemarketer is saying, just looking for a pause big enough to say, "Sorrynotinterested" and hang up.
Going the other way, when I call customer service it's frustrating greeted by a bored, robotic-sounding agent, especially if he's asking irrelevant questions. It feels impersonal, and sends the message that the company doesn't care what I'm trying to say.
These aren't new problems, but apparently all attempts to train bored, scripted customer service reps to not sound bored and scripted have failed.
Given the usual approach in the customer service business of applying technological band-aids to cover up people problems, my Enthusiasm Machine can't fail to be a commercial success.
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